How to be the “perfect” mom

Once upon a time, before I was married and before children – while walking around Saturday afternoons in a mall I would see mothers looking stressed and tired. Their babies and toddlers pulling at their hair while they tried to enjoy coffee with a friend.

I would look at them and say to myself “when I have children they will be so polite and obedient. I would keep my figure and high heels no matter what!”

 

A few years later, I was slapped in the face by REALITY mixed with a bit of KARMA!

Ah yes I “fondly” remember the tantrums and hyperactivity that I witnessed my son while he passed through those “terrible twos” which I think lasted around 4 years. Coffee with friends often ended up with running and playing an impromptu game of “catch me if you can while I run around the mall laughing and screaming!”

Then the depression hits!

Am I a good mother?

Am I still beautiful?

It took that Victoria Secret model to go back to her perfect shape in 2 months – why is it taking me so long?

And on and on and on ….

When I got bored of feeling down and bad about myself – I began to educate myself. Trying to find what I can do.

I read a quote one morning while scrolling down my Facebook homepage:

To be able to love and be loved – one should start loving themselves.

And that’s exactly how I started…

1- Visited a psychotherapist – what a taboo!
But to love myself doesn’t start with how I am physically – but how I love myself and how happy I am internally. Just to talk to someone with no pre-determined judgement about me and just to listen to me and advise me is what drove me to take my first appointment.
After a few months – I truly believe that it’s such a pity that people only relate therapy to the sick.
Even now as you are reading many of you will be brushing this point of and saying that you are fine – and you may be absolutely right! But that lack of confidence, the fear of not being perfect or any other feeling you may have is holding you back from enjoying life. What do you have to lose?

2- Started a Diet – and the healthy and best way is to start one is with a licensed dietitian – not because you don’t know by now what food are healthy or not but rather have someone to monitor and support you. Put you on the right track we often wander from.

3- Exercise:
ughhhh I hate it ! But housework, going up the stairs in the office or chasing your child in the mall is not enough.

I used to finish work at 5:30 pm then a new day would start to pick up my child and start the whole afternoon to bedtime routine – in addition to the daily household chores. At 8 pm I would be putting my son to bed and fall asleep before he does. So I used that time for my “power nap” – 10-15 minutes (set an alarm because any longer and you just feel more exhausted). And then I would start – treadmill or a yoga DVD that I bought. If you have a nearby gym – even better! Just get that blood circulating and you will feel more and more energized!

4- Let someone take care of you – make a point to go do your nails and hair when needed by a professional. It not only looks better than an at-home fix but it feels luxurious to be taken care of. You are a Queen don’t forget!

5- Buy sexy underwear – too often we forget that we are mothers but women also! No one will see them – and on a given day your husband might not get to see them either. But that power and confidence of hidden sexuality will do your ego and confidence wonders!

Now that I feel better about me – it’s time to care for my children:

6- Communicate – never underestimate how much a child understands. Even as babies we need to have the ability to understand them – and once you can understand what your child wants and needs – in turn they will be able to understand you.
Explain to them why you can’t buy them something with a valid reason for them to agree on. Or why they can’t eat another ice cream or sweets etc… And show them why and how it is related to them.
At each developmental stage a child will understand the world around him as it relates to him. I think I still understand the world around me this way … But I will leave that for another blog 🙂

7- Compromise – Not on everything – affirm your authority as a parent – but choose your battles. Let’s go back to the coffee shop example – I want to have coffee with friends and I don’t always want to leave my children with relatives. And at the same time I want to do something that’s fun for the kids and also indulge in something for me.

So that hyperactivity and just running around the wasn’t his way to show me how much he hates me but rather that he doesn’t really care to hear the latest trending office or social circle gossip.

So now we compromise. No boring coffee shops or restaurants but rather we choose one of the many options that are available around town that they can play while I watch and enjoy some adult conversation.

And this compromise can be made on other activities… Be creative mom!

8- Educate yourself – your child will pass through so many ups and downs throughout his life. Be observant of these changes – understand what’s happening and support him through it.
We are in an age that we can Google anything and get to read so many articles and opinions on everything.
Use the magic of technology – Education is power!

9- Don’t be afraid to ask for help – I sometimes feel so overwhelmed and I have tried every option and still not being able to get through to him. And sometimes your child needs to talk to someone else about things they can’t talk to you about – can you talk to your mom on every single issue in your life?
Let his dad, grandmother or aunt or anyone else they are close to help you out in solving the mystery of their frustration at the given moment, etc…

10- Tell them and show them your love . You might think that all you are sacrificing and all your hard work is a tribute to your unconditional love for them – but they are children that only understand what they can see and feel.

Say “I love you” whenever you can.

Hug and cuddle whenever you can.

Sometimes frustration and bad behavior is just their way of expressing their lack of security and want your attention. Give it to them. This is when they need it most.

So mommies these are just a few things we can do for ourselves and our children.
No one is perfect and don’t aim to be perfect.

So re-read the title of this blog as:

How I can be a perfect  really great Mom that is emotionally and physically happy!


GOOD LUCK SUPER MOMS!


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